


Losing Something You Never Had

by Steadfxst



Category: Cheers (TV), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Angst, False Memories, Feelings, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Recovered Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steadfxst/pseuds/Steadfxst
Summary: Michael has to live with his host body's memories, and their faces haunt him.This fic has gone through serious changes since its original posting: 3-12-18





	Losing Something You Never Had

Michael has memories that don’t feel like they’re his own. They have a dreamlike quality to them. Sometimes it feels like they happened a long time ago and maybe to someone else. The setting for the memories is always the same—even though he can’t recall the name of the place. But his friends are always there. Michael is _sure_ of it.

Most of the time, the not-memories don’t bother him. He doesn’t mind getting lost in a good daydream. Being a mid-level executive at a massive agency can be pretty boring, and the pictures and people in his head provide a pleasant way to pass the time.

It takes him longer than it should to realize what he’s actually experiencing: he’s been seeing memories from his host’s past.

The idea clicks while Janet explained to him what “reabsorption” was. Of course. Of course these weren’t people  _he_  knew. He suddenly felt very foolish. Just because the faces seemed real and their feelings were palpable didn’t mean anything. Not really.

Still, he could admit that his “friends” were nice to have around. He’d never been especially close to anyone before. The not-memories were usually a nice comfort, if he was feeling particularly honest with himself.

Other times, it makes him lonely. He is sure the people he sees in his head love him and like him. The people smile and joke around and tell stories. He feels welcome in their presence. Which is strange. He’s used to everyone either fearing him or not caring about him at all.

One day, he decides to try to draw the visions he sees. He doesn’t know their names, but their faces are pretty clear. And he figures he might as well put his architectural skills to good use. The faces start off as doodles in the margins of his blueprints, but soon they feel familiar enough that he uses a fresh sketchbook to draw their faces in life-size. It makes them feel realer.

There’s a short woman with curly hair. A woman with blonde hair and a sharp chin. A woman with long brunette hair and snapping eyes. There’s a fat, happy man who is always sitting next to a dorky man in uniform. When Michael has a bad day, he flips through the pages, and it feels like coming home.

Sometimes he finds himself talking to them.

The day Shawn tells him he’s being assigned to a neighborhood, Michael jumps with glee. He shakes Shawn’s hand and rushes back to his cubicle to pack up his stuff to take to his brand new office. He can’t wait to get started right away! The first ones he tells about his promotion is who he secretly refers to as “the gang,” and they smile up at him from their respective pages.

It gives Michael pause. What would happen if Shawn found his sketchbook? There was really only one solution. He asks Janet to chuck the sketchbook into her void where he wouldn’t have to face the pain.

 “The pain of what?” she asks, holding the sketchbook reverently.

She thumbs curiously through the pages.

“Of losing all of my friends,” he says.

Janet tilts her head to the side. This was a side to Michael that she had never seen.

“You’ll always have me, Michael.”

Michael smiles sadly.

"Thank you, Janet."

"If you need it again, you can just ask me," she says.

Michael hesitates before nodding with a lump in his throat.

“Let me just say good-bye real quick.”

 Michael looks at their faces one last time, his fingers gripping the book with white knuckles. He puts on a brave face.

"Well, I've got lots of work to do," he says, handing it back to her.

Reluctantly, Janet takes it and vanishes it and herself. Alone, Michael is unsure of what to do. He sits at his desk and fiddles with his pencils. It's not until later that he realizes he's drawn their faces again. He crumples the scrap paper and throws it in the garbage.

If only he could remember their names.


End file.
